Definitely for a human being to function properly, they have the need to satisfy their sexual desire, but you also got to understand that some people just have a much stronger desire than others and not everyone feels the same level of intensity. So it’s not a problem itself but when two people’s level are mismatched, then it becomes an issue.
I guess more foreplay and doing things in a more romantic setting helps. Try to change up the scenes and ask what makes her comfortable and pleasurable. The key is, if you want something, you got to work up for it.
But what’s not ok is that she mentioned the “FWB”. A relationship is not meant for sharing and letting others take care of your responsibility just because you don’t want to yourself. Even though you are obligated to make her happy, she is also responsible for making you happy too. You need to have a proper conversation with her to openly discuss about your feelings. She might think her suggestion actually can better alleviate your pain, but in the contrary, it’s making you feel not wanted and neglected. Let her know that you understand that you two have different levels of need, but regardless, she is the only one you want to be intimate with.
What you need to do is figure out what’s the cause of your break up first. Sometimes when a couple had been broken up for a while, they forget the pain and only remember the sweetness, and think why wouldn’t they work out the 2nd time. But the problem which caused you two to separate is still there, and it will become the barrier that you guys can’t surpass again.
So if you want to let him know about your feelings and make your relationship work out the 2nd time, you need to find the root of the problem and fix it. Is it that you guys can’t seem to compromise, always argue, don’t have personal space…etc. Find it, fix it, and then you can have a little more confidence that the 2nd time around will be so much better.
It’s obviously that it’s no longer “just friends” between you two, but what’s concerning is that he is not single. It’s unfair for him to provoke you like this and yet still remaining in a relationship with his girlfriend, it’s also disloyal to his girlfriend. He is not entitled to make a move on you since he is not your boyfriend. He could be very fond of you, but he is not ready to make a commitment to you yet and is not sure if he wants to make things serious with you. He probably has a rough idea that you like him and he is banking on this fact so you would be ok with him acting flirty.
Next time if he ever does anything more physical or brings up this subject again, you need to let him know where you stand on this matter. Don’t let him take advantage of the fact that you like him, and let him know that if he wants to be more than friends with you, he needs to clear his path first to show you that he means it.
Just because you like someone doesn’t mean you are inferior to them. If you are not ok with it or want him to take you seriously, you need to take the proper stand.
Believe it or not, falling for the same person is quite common among friends, since you both will have the same social circle and friends sometimes do tend to share similar interest. But it doesn’t mean as friends, you guys would have to stop liking someone just because your other friend also is fond of them. That’s not part of the friendship agreement (if it exists).
Of course jealousy and awkwardness can be involved at the initial stage, but I believe if they are here to stay, then friendship do last even longer than romance. If they are your true friend, they would eventually see pass it and value your friendship more than a “fight over a guy”.
But being honest with your feelings with your friend definitely helps. Let her know that you had been liking this guy for quite a while now as well, and openly compete for him instead of hiding it. Maybe along the way, either you or her discovered someone even more awesome or lost interest in this guy, and it would no longer be a competition. Needless to say, no one has to give up for the other person to be a “good friend”, because love is selfish and kept between the two partners.
It’s like that post I wrote before “Most important lesson in love”, and that is you have to learn to love yourself, then you are prepared to love others. It’s true that a lot of the couple break up not because they don’t love anymore, it’s because they can’t compromise and cope with the responsibilities of being in a relationship.
We need to mature, physically, mentally, emotionally to handle more challenges, and being in a relationship is a challenge. Everyone needs their time to become fully prepared and until you are ready, you will always find yourself “bad” in relationships.
Of course as of now, you both still have feelings for each other so it’s hard to look beyond this. It’s definitely possible for you both to wait and finally click in the future and the 2nd time would be all magical and smooth. There’s also that possibility that you both again, would mature, and be ready to commit, but to different people you have found in life.
We change, we all do, and no one can promise or guarantee anything. It’s beautiful to hope for that fairytale, but also be prepared to face whatever life has planned out and didn’t plan out for you :)
Even though it might seem like it’s not “his fault” and he was “driven by alcohol”, but in his subconscious he was prepared for something like this to happen, and that’s what’s causing the problem. He might not be able to control what happens after he gets drunk, but he can control whether or not to drink and how much to drink in the first place. If he was truly responsible, none of this would have happened.
I’m not sure if someone had cheated for multiple times that they are truly sorry for what they have done to their partner. The first time might be an accident but lesson should be learned and he needs to show through actions to earn your trust again. To me, it doesn’t seem like he is taking your forgiveness and the responsibilities in a relationship too seriously. I would carefully think before i make my decision since it’s likely that he’s not at the right level of maturity to be in a serious relationship, and are you prepared to get hurt again, for the 4th time?
all the cheesy things I want to do with you~
You are definitely falling for this guy, though it might not work out to your benefit, but at least he told you already that he has a girlfriend. The thing is, I would be less concerned if he wasn’t all so charming. It’s nice for old online friends to meet up but how would you feel if your boyfriend went alone to meet a girl from online? No matter how friendly and pure the conversations and actions were, I don’t think what he had done would be considered a good boyfriend.
He could have made this met up at a social event or with a couple other friends if possible, because I think what he did is not only sending you the wrong message, making you fall harder, and also being disrespectful to his girlfriend.
I do think you should clear your mind a bit. Knowing that he is unavailable at the moment, and try to keep a safe distance with him, don’t fall even harder and meet up with him alone until he is officially single. I know this might give you the thrill and rush of excitable, but not acting out responsibly will only get yourself hurt in the end. If you guys are meant to be and he has the desire to do so as well, then he will clear the path for you. But until then, keep your heart safe.
my summer fling~
Someone’s sexual orientation will not stand in the way of love because if they are able to love you, they would have accepted everything about you. Most of the time people are charmed by someone’s personality, wisdom, and confidence instead of restricted to being a girl or a guy.
Now the issue of him having a girlfriend. Of course being in a relationship doesn’t mean you can’t like him, but part of liking a person includes respect their decisions and protect their happiness. Obviously he has deep feelings for this girl and want to be with her, and this decision should be honoured and respected. At least you know that he’s a guy that’s not afraid of commitment, and if in the future he ever becomes available, don’t be hesitated to make your move. You know you don’t want to regret and miss your chance again :)