Hi dear,

I think in a way you just answered your own question ;)

Obviously you are scared of getting hurt, we all are, but in a way it’s the beauty of life. You don’t know it so it’s mysterious and exciting, I mean that’s why a movie trailer never show you the ending or what exactly is going on, because there’s no interest to watch it. 

If you could give up this 3 years of feelings and he’s interest in you, then you wouldn’t be asking me this question or feel the dilemma. It’s because you tried but you don’t want to let it go this easily, that’s why your heart is aching.

Romance is not meant to be predictable and I don’t think you want it to be either. Everyone is faced with the same risk whenever they decide to enter a relationship. However, if you never cross that line you will always have only one outcome, but if you did then you will have two possibilities. Never give up before you even tried, because that regret you will have is going to last for life.

Hi dear,

When people have the fear of losing someone and their world will crash, that’s because they have based their world solely on that person. So what you need to do is to get him a bit more involved with himself, and teach him how to fill his life with hobbies and interests so that the times spent apart is a bit less unbearable. The simple “it’s all going to be ok” won’t really cure his problem at this stage, he needs some distractions to calm down first, and then we can deal with the root of the problem when he’s ready.

Also, you should know that the first requirement in relationship is for you to love and treat yourself right. If all the necessary and possible actions were taken by you but he’s still unable to jump out from this depression, then you should refer him to get professional help. Sometimes not everything is under our control, and if he’s dragging you down with him, then your first priority is to save yourself.

Remember, you want to feel happy and free with that person in a relationship, not full of hardship and sorrow. Somethings can be solved with effort, but if that person himself is not taking the responsibility to get better, then maybe it shouldn’t be your problem after all.

Hi dear,

To begin with, you are his girlfriend and any girl would be offended under this circumstance. If it makes you uncomfortable and the other girl is not respecting your relationship, then it’s definitely reasonable for you to perceive that as a threat. As your boyfriend, he should know when and who’s side to pick during a situation like this.

Of course you could choose to hang out with other guy friends to give him a “taste of his own medicine”, but that won’t solve the root of the problem. What you need to do is to let him understand what exactly is it that he’s doing, is making you feel uncomfortable. Only when you are being completely logical and respectful then will he understand and be “forced” to do the same.

You need to have a talk with him, but no yelling and accusing him. You need to let him understand that you are perfectly fine with him having a regular friendship with any females, including his ex. But in order to back up your trust in him, he should not go over the line of regular friendship, which include hanging out particularly often with one specific girl and confess his feelings to her as that often gives girls the wrong idea. Also let him know that because he had made his ex having the wrong impression that she is harassing you and making a threat to your relationship. And ask him, how would he feel if you have done exactly the same thing with another of your guy friend? Would he be ok with it?

The only way out is through mutual understanding and compromising, and if he still wants the two of you to be together, then he has to make an effort and show it like he means it.

Hi dear,

Sorry for the late reply, but I hope you didn’t do it. Reason being, it won’t bring you back joy, maybe short-lived sweet memories of the past but only to be waken up by the reality that he’s no longer here.

I’m sure every single word he wrote about you was true, but might no longer be, so why remind yourself of that fact when your wounds are still freshly bleeding? Best is to put a bandage and let time heal itself rather than peel the wound open to feel the pain again. 

Every past event is meaningful because they make us who we are today. So once you have moved on, you can listen to it again and maybe appreciate it from a different angle.  

Hi dear,

As cheesy as it sounds, everything in life has a purpose. Every love experience, regardless of good/bad outcomes, it is worthy of a place in your memory. Even though you fell in love with someone who can never respond the same way back to you, but your heart still trembled in her presence, cried when you see her in pain, and you know that love you felt for her was real. 

A person who’s capable of loving is definitely worthy and deserving of someone else’s love. All this is right now is a lesson for you to learn, to feel, and to grow. So you are ready when your true mate comes, you are ready to be dive into that deep romance like you have already dreamed to.

Hi dear,

For sure, there’s no doubt that he liked you/flirted with you/sent strong signals that he was interested in you, no one would kiss a friend good night every time they hang out. So definitely he did had the intention of making you guys into “something more than just friend”. So what happened that changed his mind all the sudden? 

I think with the amount of time and feelings you invested into this relationship, you deserve an explanation. If he suddenly had a change of heart, you at least deserve to know what the cause is. He can’t just brush it off like it was nothing and ask you to be just friends, it’s a very selfish move of him, and regardless of whether or not you still want to have a possible future with him, you deserve a proper closure to move on with your life.

Hi dear,

Even though to us who had been always very independent with our lives, it might be hard to understand the influence controlling parents can have over their children. His mother had raised him this way his whole life, and if you do want to be with him, you have to understand his view and try to help him change gradually.

Don’t try to pressure him since he has to endure that from both you and his mother, and since that’s his mother he can’t run away from, you will only end up damaging your relationship with him.

Slowly, in an encouraging way, figure out some plausible solution that can help him reclaim his independence from his mother. And being in war with his parents is never the way to way for a healthy relationship. They are his family, and hopefully one day your family too. So really love them like yours and they will see it one day too :)

Hi dear,

This is probably the #1 problem people have when they are in a relationship, and trust me, everyone is feeling it. But don’t all take it in a wrong way, you are insecure only because you truly love him and he has proven worthy of your love, it’s a good thing! 

Even though you are like, “why did he pick me among all these people that he could potentially be with?” But the reality is that he picked you, not anyone else. Once he picked you then this “everyone is possible” is gone. He can only see you, only find warmth in your eyes and only your laughs are adorable no matter what in his eyes. Others, no matter how amazing they are, he won’t be able to see them because he whole heart is filled with you and there’s just not enough space to fit any bits of others in.

So when they say they love you, trust the words, and feel them with your heart. Just simply ask yourself, do you still find anyone else better than your lover?

If they had that much faith and love in us, shouldn’t we prove it to them by at least believing in their belief? Prove them we are worthy by showing them your confidence, and especially when you got that confidence vibe going on, then it greatly reassures them that they made the right choice of being with you. Simple as that :)

Hi dear,

I can understand what you are going through, the insecurity, the love/hate, and regret most likely now.

But you see, if there are many girls flirting with him, putting your pictures on his social media is not going to turn them away, since in the first place they don’t really care if he is in a relationship anyways. What you need to do is work on his side. By reasonably explaining to him why this has caused discomfort on your side and why you are entitled to such emotion (since you guys are in a relationship) and ask him to think what if it was you with a lot of other guys flirting? Also, learn to trust him. Maybe he’s just one of those sociable guys who are cool to hang around with both sex. Tell him that you are fine with him having female friends since you respect his space, but not to those who are physically showing interest to him. Your goal at the end of the day is not to cause tension between you two, but to let him understand where you are coming from and figure out a plan that will help both of you communicate better.

Now about the text message. I know it’s hard to control our angers when we are at the moment of rage, but you should always consider the consequences afterwards. Before you hit the “sent” button, ask yourself, you are ready to part with him forever because once you send those words he might never be able to forgive you for what you said.

If you want to fix this and he still seems to care for you guys, then genuinely and sincerely apologize to him, there’s no other way out. You guys both have issues and are equally at blame for, but nothing can’t be worked out between you two and if you guys are determined enough, the love will be enough to get you both through.

Hi dear,

If this is something relatively new and strange you are feeling about lately for an old situation, have you figured out the cause of it yet? Is it because of external pressure, a new environment so you feel lonely, or that you are feeling insecure recently due to something he has done?

We are more dependent on our love ones if we think that they are the only person in our world. If you have been having a great time with your own life, eg. having fun with friends and family, the chance of you feeling obsessively depressed due to your boyfriend’s absence might be low. Simply because he’s not the only wonderful things happening in your life.

So maybe I suggest is to hang out with the people who are more available to lighten up your mood. Knowing that your happiness is not solely dependent on your boyfriend might be a solution and a step into a more healthier direction in terms of your relationship.